I am His Butterfly

The butterfly! All my life I have had the fondness of the beauty of a butterfly. They captivate me so.


I think we can understand God's character in His creation. The beauty of the butterfly is one way. How it transforms, in what may seem like a death and suffering, into such majestic beauty.


Here is a quote from Answers.com that I loved although it refers to other religions and cultures I think the jest is beautiful.

"The butterfly is a reminder to make changes when the opportunity arises. Change and transformation are inevitable for us all, but it does not have to be traumatic. Butterfly symbolism is also closely tied to the idea of spirits and souls. It has been used in many religions and cultures. In the western world, the symbol of the butterfly stands for freedom, fun and joyous times. It is also symbolises a state of naturalness and purity."

All my life as I told you in another post My Skating Rink Story that I felt a loss in my relationship with my father due to his alcoholism but Abba was behind the scenes orchestrating a beautiful transformation even back then.  This Fall it came to fruition or transformed like a beautiful butterfly. (Can click on the purple blog title to go to it)

Last week my father called me. He said.. You know I forgot to tell you how much I love you last time we talked. Whose butterfly are you? I entertained him and said, Yours Daddy!!!!" He went on to recall why he called me His Butterfly. When I was a little girl I would beg my daddy to catch me a butterfly. He carefully taught me how to handle them so I wouldn't hurt them. Once they flew away from my little hand I would always say, Whooooooo! Then quickly say, "Catch me another one daddy!"

Abba this Fall is replacing hurt and disappointment with treasured memories I hadn't remembered about my father. In that my view of Abba has completely become so intimate. 

I had to search my heart and ask why had I chosen to remember the hurt and not those treasured moments. After all, those moments were why I was hurt because I missed those times with my daddy that seemed to become replaced with another love, at least in my eyes. Why do we do that? I see people remember only the good things of a person after they pass. Why? Why aren't we doing that while they are here with us? When did my hurt replace those beautiful moments and cause me to separate from my daddy. 

Yesterday God took me back to a memory I had forgotten. I had taken my daddy to lunch and he was drunk. I remember people gawking in such a sight and even feeling sorry for me. How is that? They had mercy for me but judged him.  He reminded me of my heart that day. How I didn't care what they clearly had written on their faces. HE IS MY DADDY! I defended him in my heart and made a choice to enjoy that time.  I see Abba's defense that way. He loves us so that even when we clearly should be judged He is motivated to love us to transform us. 

In the book The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith. I am in Chapter 7. God is self-sacrificing. God immediately showed me the cross and I had this revelation inspired by the book.

The Cross -The longest length represents Jesus went to the depth for us because of God's depth of love for us and across (the width) He lifts us up higher because He sent Jesus to lift the whole world to Himself. 

The kingdom principle in all this is: "What we let go of will never be lost but becomes a thing of beauty." 

I loved the quote above that said. "The butterfly is a reminder to make changes when the opportunity arises. Change and transformation are inevitable for us all, but it does not have to be traumatic..."

IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE TRAUMATIC!! Remember the treasured times in your life with those you love and let that be the opportunity to overcome those traumatic times and transform to the beauty of love. 

The book also captivated me with this sentence, "Forgiving someone makes us appear weak and vulnerable, but it actually reveals strength and power." 

In forgiving my daddy of the hurt I felt, I gained strength from Abba, transformed and my relationship with my DADDIES are transforming into something VERY BEAUTIFUL.

Counting My Blessings!

In my small group The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith, this week's chapter was on God is Trustworthy. What an eye opening experience for me. I have so much to learn from Jesus and how He loves His Abba Father. He trusts Him with everything, even the process of the cross.  He knew God's LOVE for Him because He had always proven to be with Him and knew what was best for Him. Not His will but Abba Father's be done.

JESUS TRUSTED ABBA!

We can learn a lot about our Abba Father from Jesus as He reveals God's nature in Matthew 6:9-13. God is a good and loving Father. The Lord's Prayer has such an example of how Jesus knew Abba Father.

Here are six characteristics of Abba Father according to that passage alone:

1. God is present/nearby; 

2. God is pure/holy; 

3. God is powerful;
4. God is caring;
5. God is forgiving/pardons; and
6. God is our protector.

NOTHING CAN HAPPEN TO US THAT GOD CANNOT REDEEM!!!

At each chapter's end we have soul training exercise and this week's so impressed me on counting my blessings. I was to list 10 things God has blessed me with (anything you love, have been blessed with). It also encourages you to also make a list of what God has done for you and to do both daily, let it be an ongoing list(s).  How important is it that we see God's widespread mercies!!

I want to encourage you to do your own list of blessings and what God has done for you. I want to end with this quote from the book by musician and author David Crowder to meditate on. It was so deep to me.

"When good is found and we embrace it with abandon, we embrace the Giver of it... Every second is an opportunity to praise. There is a choosing to be made. A choosing at each moment. This is the Praise Habit. Finding God moment by revelatory moment, in the scared and the mundane, in the valley and on the hill, in triumph and tragedy, and living praise erupting because of it. That is what we were made for."

Be amazed by Abba Father ... He is Trustworthy!!

What Are Your Thoughts??

Today as Joshua asked me if I was going to tell Daddy on something he did (in fear.) I had a thought enter my mind from from the Holy Spirit. Would Jesus tell Abba Father on us? That is why after all He came to redeem us of our wrongs/sins. He is our Advocate, Defense and Intercessor. He stands in the gap for us to show us the way.

My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.- 1 John 2:1

It has really got me thinking and seeking God (still even as I write this). Is this a narrative I have portrayed to Joshua? Is this a narrative passed down from my parents? Most importantly, is this Jesus' narrative?

Mother in the dictionary has many definitions but this one caught my eye. "A term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regard as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent."

I have tons of thoughts on this but to keep this simple and to get your thoughts I didn't share them in this post.

Actions speak louder than words. As we serve HIM.. they see the way to also

I saw this on a church sign (not word for word) and I think it gives insight perfectly.

If you are going to train up your children to go the right path...make sure you are on the same path.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS????

Investing In Our Children

Joshua showed me something today, which is not an uncommon thing around here. When you invest in your child..great rewards are reaped. I am not talking concerning simple time spent, being there to doctor their boo-boos or bedtime snuggles. I am talking of investing in their spirit-man so that that spirit-man leads and not their flesh or soul. I always told my boys.. You are a leader not a follower. This is said with dealing with people who influence wrong beliefs or behaviors, not God. We are to lead the way to God and follow Jesus. Be HIS disciples.

"I AM A LEADER NOT A FOLLOWER!" - He has said that statement a few times out-loud recently when a another child tries to lead him in behavior he knows isn't pleasing to God.

I am convinced more than ever to talk openly and clear with him on the Word. He really gets it. I understand why Jesus beckons us to come as a child. There is no doubt only trust in what He says and it is received with an open heart to receive.  We know training our children up and investing the truth of Jesus and His Word  blesses their life and future generations to come.  It also comes to minister to you, the parent, in a pure, innocence way as the Holy Spirit uses your child to encourage you in whatever situation. How awesome is that! Training in progress to go out and be world shakers, gospel spreading disciples for Jesus Christ.

Our children are already ministers of Jesus we only need to invest. I am investing NOW in Joshua so he can bring all the glory due to HIS SAVIOR.

Look at this face... how could I not for his sake invest in the eternal.

You can't change the world 

but you can change how your child lives in it. 

I am HOPEFUL!

My Hiding Place

This is a testimony for that someone who God is speaking to right now. Finding this blog is no coincidence or "happenstance". It was ordained for you to read this to know God is your hiding place and is with you. No matter what comes your way...His grace is sufficient for you.

At my annual check up last Wednesday with my new gynecologist she finds a lump in my right breast and sends me Monday for an ultrasound. I am shocked I never felt it or knew it was there. 

As I prepare for my appointment Monday, in my spirit I knew it wouldn't be a simple ultrasound and be done for the day, so it made me nervous. Some could say it is not of God to be nervous but I am human and have feelings. As I exit to drop Joshua off at Shane's moms, my sweet boy exclaims.. Be strong and brave ..for GOD is with you.  As I stop at the traffic light he continues. Be strong and brave! Be strong and brave! God speaks to me and says. I am with you my daughter and I fight back tears but I can't. He then begins using some of my friends to give me verses and comfort me. He will go to no ends or boundaries to comfort me. 

I get to my mother-in-laws to find a gift box which she hands to me. I open it to find a silver bracelet (silver represents redemption) that has Proverbs 3:5-6. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

I know it is God I used that verse in my last blog post. I am so touched for His love for me as I drive to my appointment that I just cry.  He will redeem me in His love. As I enter the elevator in the parking deck I look back to my car to note my parking area and still shocked He gave me that car and God speaks to me and says. I have so many things for you .. it is beyond your comprehension. I go into my appointment to find I need a mammogram and that results to hearing I need a surgeon to remove this hard lump. It is said without compassion or tenderness. Of course, I try to go up to my new doctor's office to make an appointment in shock and just break down.


I find myself headed to the breast surgeon for my appointment Tuesday. I go in knowing God will use me because after talking to a friend it is no coincidence I am at her breast surgeon and she has been praying for her. I go in thinking what an honor to be His vessel today to reach this doctor He is trying to speak so loudly to.  I tell her of Joshua's encouragement through the Lord and she acknowledges someone is trying to speak to me. I am set up for a stereotactic biopsy the next day and head home.


Wednesday as I enter into my appointment I find heavy attack by the enemy and that this is an outpatient procedure which requires my $300 deductible. Shane's card won't go through after I finally get him through instant messaging. To find out.. my information is not right. It is from my past.. my first marriage. How is that? I never have been here before. I see now the enemy was pulling all strings to get me.


I go into to have my procedure and will spare you the details but I never ever want to do that again in Jesus Name. They even talked how the instrument to do my biopsy may need to be replaced because the hooks on the end may be a bit dull as they are pressure pointing to stop my bleeding. I had to see my blood go through a tube and the computer every time that needle went through my breast as I felt twinges being told not to move or it will rip my breast through and through.  I had a reaction to the local pain anesthetic also. I know by now I should not have driven myself.  Shaking I head to my car parked so far away and just sit in my car and cry as I shake. God literally guides me home through 280 to 59 interstate through the 5 pm traffic and even to get my pain medicine.


Shane finally makes it home and I just break down. I am in so much pain and all that has happened is overwhelming to me. I can't analysis it all just yet. 


My first thought yesterday is how does anyone do this without God.  I make myself go to take Joshua to his appointment at his new pediatrician at Christ Health Center and had an anxiety attack. I just had one last night removing my bandages. I won't go into detail on that but know it was a heavy spiritual attack that initiated it. His doctor talked to me and listened as I shared my heart at how I felt and my struggles .. all I wanted was to have someone to listen to me because this has truly been traumatic for me. She hugs me then prays with me and says I have been a huge testimony to her. She sends the Chaplin in to pray with me who quotes.. Be courageous and strong for God is with me. I know I was right where God sent me even though I almost walked out earlier because of my anxiety attack.

Then He reminds me .. I AM WITH YOU! 

Do I honestly know what my results with be Monday. No! Do I know I will be okay no matter what they are...YES! Why? Because  MY REDEEMER, HEALER AND LOVER OF MY SOUL IS WITH ME.

I heard this song this morning and it expressed perfectly all God has been to me this week. In the unknown, super fast process of appointments and an outpatient procedure.  I find myself even though this has been super hard, completely captivated and held in His arms. I found myself in a place where I had to just surrender to HIM. I still don't know what tomorrow holds but I know Who holds me. God gave me an understanding in this and allowed me to relate to the Apostle Paul.

Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 - To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassing great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I see why Paul praised God even in his affliction (thorn). In His Presence is perfect love and peace and no matter what I face I am with HIM. I AM HIS and He will be faithful to call out to me.

This week God flooded me with His Presence and reminders of His Word and Love for me.  He came running to speak to me through people. A picture from a friend who moved with the Word literally painted to the picture and called "Remembering the Word". A person asking my Zumba instructor who her friend was facing the biopsy she requested special prayer for and where she/I was standing so she could stand in my place because God sent her to pray for me that night.


We are called to run this race, with heartache, troubles and even physical pain but we aren't defeated or without hope. We have ONE who holds our future, Whose grace is sufficient. Who in our weakness His power is perfect and I am made strong.


God bless,
Julie

ALL GLORY TO THE KING OF KINGS!

New Paths YET to be!

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)

As I sit here pondering how in control God is. I can't help but to praise Him. We see things so humanly and emotionally. We are as women emotional beings after all (and hormonal at times) but we are to let our spirit reign over those emotions and have God like perspectives, which takes such diligence in seeking Him and being with Him to do so. Also, I am caused to remember He made us this way to care and to be touched in this life, so being emotional is not a weakness but how we are created.. this circles back to what I said before... God like perspectives.  


I am so thankful His ways are higher than mine and He knows best! He knows what is YET to be. I am captivated by that word lately.. YET... or to be... stay tuned..in the future..in addition..eventually..in due course..ultimately..someday..up until now...

IN SPITE OF IT ALL.....

I look back since the beginning of the year and have felt such change in my life. I see how God spared me the pain of circumstances around me, delivered me from past hurts, generational curses/bondages and how He takes us seasons to seasons with people. Some are just co-journeyers in this walk with us briefly and some for life. Either way I am grateful for the time together.


I said all that above to say this. I trust HIM. I put my trust in HIM and know that even when I don't know... He knows and in spite of it all He has plans for my life and a future... a Yet to be.. so; therefore, I must take this journey with a road of many different experiences and lessons. I do feel God is moving me in new places and if it takes me down a different path than before then it takes me, and if it's alone then I have His Spirit to lead me and to go with me. Either way... I am going to TRUST this new season and what is to come. In all this I pray for straight paths guided by HIM...straight to His will for my life and for the lives of my family.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

This Season of Life

God has shown me during the season after LIFE some very valuable things:

1. My family is my most important ministry, but He has reiterated that for me in deeper meaning.

2. To look for Him in all His creation. He has so much to tell me in His creation.

I have changed my view, thoughts and goals recently. Some I had, some I need to make stronger, some I needed to add. His agenda comes first.

This Summer I am slowing down and enjoying all Abba Father has for us. I thought today how simply life should be while being with Joshua. We went to feed the geese and simply came back home. No huge schedule or plans just me and him exploring all God's plans for us.  I am learning to step back and just admire life as God gives it and those He gives to us to enjoy it with.

WE LOVE THE BEACH

Last month we went to Destin for vacation and we had a wonderful time. I love seeing God reveal His beauty in His creation and in our lives. Below are a few pictures and a verse God gave me that meant a lot to me -Psalms 29:3-4

The voice of the LORD is over the waters; 

       the God of glory thunders, 

       the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.

The voice of the LORD is powerful; 

       the voice of the LORD is majestic.

I Am Julie McCay!

Here I am Julie McCay, His Creation, Friend, Child, Maidservant and His Beloved. I stand here at the end of the LIFE Small Group. I sit here simply in awe of God's freedom. I am not the same person I was in February. She was a girl who felt rejected, abused, hurt, mourning her family/friend and losing her joy.  I say goodbye to her today as I sent a letter to my mom. I say goodbye to all those things that aren't who God says I am and I say hello to the future God destined me to live.

Lord,
THANK YOU! This journey I have been on is all YOU.YOU.YOU. You love me beyond my understanding.You always have. I pray from this moment forward as I walk in my destined time here that I will be with You and do Your will.

You are my Love, my Friend, my Everything and today I praise You and bring You glory for all You have done and will do. I trust You and my hope is in You.

Your Beloved,

Fun Recipe For A Rainy Day - Baking A Brownie Baby

We really enjoyed our time inside today with the rainy weather. Thanks to my great friend Rachael who let us borrow her gingerbread man pan we had a blast today as a family making a gingerbread (brownie) baby. Of course, Joshua baked .....we supervised. =)

JOSHUA'S RECIPE FOR A BROWNIE BABY

1. Preheat oven and mix your brownie mix.

2. Shake out the brownie mixture in pan to be 

sure even, bake and cool.

3. Decorate with your favorite icing.

Of course, after you have taste-tested it. 

4. Wa La - a brownie baby (see his diaper).

5. Enjoy with a good kiddie movie!

Easter

Wanted to post a couple of pictures of our Easter. Joshua was sick most of the day but we still managed to get in pictures. 

LIFE

I am in my 5th week of LIFE. WOW! I am amazed I am even sharing my experiences. Feelings and experiences I locked up for most of my life. LIFE is Living In Freedom Everyday. I proclaim through Jesus at the end of this small group I will live everday in freedom.


The first month of LIFE I found myself so intimate with my Bridegroom. Receiving doves' eyes for Him. Dancing with Him. What an amazing journey with Him I have had. He spoke to me in Song of Solomon. He truly became my refuge and covering. I am in the process of being refined like gold and He has been comforting me beforehand to reveal those places in me that need healing and freedom. I have loved realizing I need to bring my husband in on those intimate times with God and am cherishing those times we have with our Bridegroom. I love He shows me off like a beautiful diamond. His most prize possession which He admires the beauty and is pleased.


In the process of being refined I find myself searching the things that keep me seperated from Him. Those feelings, beliefs from life itself and characteristics that are not Him. As I am in this refining process...it hurts...at times more than I can express. As He reveals those things in me I need to let go. Like walls I placed in defense because I realize the root of rejection seeded in me at 11 or 12 by some sexual fondling by my mom's dad. Why I always keep my hurt inside to deal with because a false belief I had....because I was told to shut up and be tough when I cried as a child.

Yes I was abused verbally, physically and sexually many times. I have felt rejected, shame and worthlessness BUT today I stand like GOLD in my Sheperd's hands. I won't limit the Lord. I will stand on Your thoughts toward me and allow those thoughts to overcome the lies of the enemy and what 'I think' my family thinks of me. I declare I will not be "strong" but be strong in the Lord. I will not shut up but I WILL listen to Him. I WILL speak for Him. I am no longer a victim but VICTORIOUS! I have surrendered my wall for JESUS. I am going to trust. I will let Him shine. I have been given beauty for ashes. New hunger for the death and starvation that was in me. I am living 

FREE

Tapestry in the Makers' Hands

Jesus calls to you...gently, lovingly, beckoning His bride to come..to dance with Him. To enter into His chamber room. He has something to show you. A gift of adoration for you.

You see, He sees you're worthy enough for Him. He sees your beauty and is enthralled with it. He sees His fearfully and wonderfully made creation and is pleased..very pleased with your beauty. He shows you off. Saying...Look at her!.. how beautiful she is, as if a refined, perfect diamond of most value.

I stood for prayer last week and saw how Jesus sees me and it finally became live. He calls me worthy, beautiful and His beloved. He is not seeing me in a process or what I used to be, but the end result of His creation perfected. The spirit inside me made in His image. You see we don't see the other side of the colorful tapestry.

Let me take you back to the gift of adoration, you walk in the chamber room and on the bed is a wedding gown made for you. Woven with gold by Him. Especially made for you. Yes... YOU. In the gown it has many beautiful colors representing your life and silver woven as well for the redemption given. Every day of your life is woven in this beautiful tapestry. It tells the story of your life. He puts it on you and crowns you with a crown especially made by Him with jewels hand picked and placed to adorn your head. He then places a gold band around your finger and He finishes preparing you to meet His Father. To show you off to Him. You are His prize possession.

What is your tapestry like? Trust me it is beautiful. Hear the Bridegroom beckon you to come and don't hesitate to go.. run to Him without delay and live out Song of Songs... He has a song for you ..to sing over you and a dance that will last for eternity.

My beloved is mine, and I am his.. Song of Solomon 2:16

* This post was inspired by a dear friend, Phyllis, who gave me a vision she saw of the bridal gown Jesus was putting on me.

Psalm 45

My heart bursts its banks, spilling beauty and goodness.
   I pour it out in a poem to the king,
      shaping the river into words:

"You're the handsomest of men;
      every word from your lips is sheer grace,
      and God has blessed you, blessed you so much.
   Strap your sword to your side, warrior!
      Accept praise! Accept due honor!
      Ride majestically! Ride triumphantly!
   Ride on the side of truth!
      Ride for the righteous meek! 

  "Your instructions are glow-in-the-dark;
      you shoot sharp arrows
   Into enemy hearts; the king's
      foes lie down in the dust, beaten. 

 "Your throne is God's throne,
      ever and always;
   The scepter of your royal rule
      measures right living.
   You love the right
      and hate the wrong.
   And that is why God, your very own God,
      poured fragrant oil on your head,
   Marking you out as king
      from among your dear companions. 

 "Your ozone-drenched garments
      are fragrant with mountain breeze.
   Chamber music—from the throne room—
      makes you want to dance.
   Kings' daughters are maids in your court,
      the Bride glittering with golden jewelry.
 "Now listen, daughter, don't miss a word:
      forget your country, put your home behind you.
   Be here—the king is wild for you.
      Since he's your lord, adore him.
   Wedding gifts pour in from Tyre;
      rich guests shower you with presents." 

  (Her wedding dress is dazzling,
      lined with gold by the weavers;
   All her dresses and robes
      are woven with gold.
   She is led to the king,
      followed by her virgin companions.
   A procession of joy and laughter!
      a grand entrance to the king's palace!) 

 "Set your mind now on sons—
      don't dote on father and grandfather.
   You'll set your sons up as princes
      all over the earth.
   I'll make you famous for generations;
      you'll be the talk of the town
      for a long, long time."   (MSG)

WINTER SNOW

What a beautiful display of God's creation. 

Makes me think...even in the storms or in winter.

He still is our Light and Hope.

MY VALENTINE'S

I spent so long desiring a valentine. So many lonely years and desperation, then I received Jesus as my Lord and saw 

He is my forever Valentine..

My Bridegroom..My Kinsmen Redeemer.

Then my Kinsmen Redeemer sent me an amazing husband, 

a man after His own heart. I am so blessed!

TO MY BRIDEGROOM:

My Lover, I hear and feel Your love drawing me to You. 

I want to meet You in that place. 

Dance for You and with You again.

No more seperation or other loves. 

Just You and me.

Together dancing in LOVE.

I am Yours! I am Yours.

                  ~Your Beloved

 ♬Dance with me

O lover of my soul

To the song of all songs
Romance me
O lover of my soul
To the song of all songs

Behold You have come
Over the hills
Upon the mountains
To me You have run
My beloved
You've captured my heart

With You I will go
you are my love
you are my fair one
winter is past
and the springtime has come

Dance with me
O lover of my soul
to the song of all songs
Romance me
O lover of my soul
to the song of all songs ♬

The New Year

As I begin this new year I praise God for the challenges I overcame last year and excited about what is to be this year. I find myself feeling more of God's peace and love, especially during this first fruits month. I am finding myself reading a book which as all who know me..know, I don't care very much for reading. Maybe this is the year for changing that. I am excited to take LIFE this small group semester and feel God is moving for me already.

I am anticipating growing in Him and being more in His will. I am so overwhelmed how God cares for us through seasons, years and decades in His loving hands and reminds us ever so softly and lovingly that He loves us and this is all for us. I made no resolutions but have spiritual goals I have set before me this year to accomplish.

I look forward to friendships growing, my children prospering more and my love growing deeper for my husband and completely falling in love daily with Jesus my Bridegroom.

All in all .. I am so thankful to serve JESUS CHRIST  YESHUA.

CHRISTmas

Instead of the normal Christmas pictures to post I wanted to post my true gifts from God ~MY FAMILY~ Hope you all had a great Christmas! Happy New Year!