Saturday, August 14, 2010

My Hiding Place

This is a testimony for that someone who God is speaking to right now. Finding this blog is no coincidence or "happenstance". It was ordained for you to read this to know God is your hiding place and is with you. No matter what comes your way...His grace is sufficient for you.

At my annual check up last Wednesday with my new gynecologist she finds a lump in my right breast and sends me Monday for an ultrasound. I am shocked I never felt it or knew it was there. 

As I prepare for my appointment Monday, in my spirit I knew it wouldn't be a simple ultrasound and be done for the day, so it made me nervous. Some could say it is not of God to be nervous but I am human and have feelings. As I exit to drop Joshua off at Shane's moms, my sweet boy exclaims.. Be strong and brave ..for GOD is with you.  As I stop at the traffic light he continues. Be strong and brave! Be strong and brave! God speaks to me and says. I am with you my daughter and I fight back tears but I can't. He then begins using some of my friends to give me verses and comfort me. He will go to no ends or boundaries to comfort me. 

I get to my mother-in-laws to find a gift box which she hands to me. I open it to find a silver bracelet (silver represents redemption) that has Proverbs 3:5-6. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

I know it is God I used that verse in my last blog post. I am so touched for His love for me as I drive to my appointment that I just cry.  He will redeem me in His love. As I enter the elevator in the parking deck I look back to my car to note my parking area and still shocked He gave me that car and God speaks to me and says. I have so many things for you .. it is beyond your comprehension. I go into my appointment to find I need a mammogram and that results to hearing I need a surgeon to remove this hard lump. It is said without compassion or tenderness. Of course, I try to go up to my new doctor's office to make an appointment in shock and just break down.

I find myself headed to the breast surgeon for my appointment Tuesday. I go in knowing God will use me because after talking to a friend it is no coincidence I am at her breast surgeon and she has been praying for her. I go in thinking what an honor to be His vessel today to reach this doctor He is trying to speak so loudly to.  I tell her of Joshua's encouragement through the Lord and she acknowledges someone is trying to speak to me. I am set up for a stereotactic biopsy the next day and head home.

Wednesday as I enter into my appointment I find heavy attack by the enemy and that this is an outpatient procedure which requires my $300 deductible. Shane's card won't go through after I finally get him through instant messaging. To find out.. my information is not right. It is from my past.. my first marriage. How is that? I never have been here before. I see now the enemy was pulling all strings to get me.

I go into to have my procedure and will spare you the details but I never ever want to do that again in Jesus Name. They even talked how the instrument to do my biopsy may need to be replaced because the hooks on the end may be a bit dull as they are pressure pointing to stop my bleeding. I had to see my blood go through a tube and the computer every time that needle went through my breast as I felt twinges being told not to move or it will rip my breast through and through.  I had a reaction to the local pain anesthetic also. I know by now I should not have driven myself.  Shaking I head to my car parked so far away and just sit in my car and cry as I shake. God literally guides me home through 280 to 59 interstate through the 5 pm traffic and even to get my pain medicine.

Shane finally makes it home and I just break down. I am in so much pain and all that has happened is overwhelming to me. I can't analysis it all just yet. 

My first thought yesterday is how does anyone do this without God.  I make myself go to take Joshua to his appointment at his new pediatrician at Christ Health Center and had an anxiety attack. I just had one last night removing my bandages. I won't go into detail on that but know it was a heavy spiritual attack that initiated it. His doctor talked to me and listened as I shared my heart at how I felt and my struggles .. all I wanted was to have someone to listen to me because this has truly been traumatic for me. She hugs me then prays with me and says I have been a huge testimony to her. She sends the Chaplin in to pray with me who quotes.. Be courageous and strong for God is with me. I know I was right where God sent me even though I almost walked out earlier because of my anxiety attack.
Then He reminds me .. I AM WITH YOU! 

Do I honestly know what my results with be Monday. No! Do I know I will be okay no matter what they are...YES! Why? Because  MY REDEEMER, HEALER AND LOVER OF MY SOUL IS WITH ME.

I heard this song this morning and it expressed perfectly all God has been to me this week. In the unknown, super fast process of appointments and an outpatient procedure.  I find myself even though this has been super hard, completely captivated and held in His arms. I found myself in a place where I had to just surrender to HIM. I still don't know what tomorrow holds but I know Who holds me. God gave me an understanding in this and allowed me to relate to the Apostle Paul.

Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 - To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassing great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I see why Paul praised God even in his affliction (thorn). In His Presence is perfect love and peace and no matter what I face I am with HIM. I AM HIS and He will be faithful to call out to me.

This week God flooded me with His Presence and reminders of His Word and Love for me.  He came running to speak to me through people. A picture from a friend who moved with the Word literally painted to the picture and called "Remembering the Word". A person asking my Zumba instructor who her friend was facing the biopsy she requested special prayer for and where she/I was standing so she could stand in my place because God sent her to pray for me that night.

We are called to run this race, with heartache, troubles and even physical pain but we aren't defeated or without hope. We have ONE who holds our future, Whose grace is sufficient. Who in our weakness His power is perfect and I am made strong.

God bless,

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

New Paths YET to be!

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)

As I sit here pondering how in control God is. I can't help but to praise Him. We see things so humanly and emotionally. We are as women emotional beings after all (and hormonal at times) but we are to let our spirit reign over those emotions and have God like perspectives, which takes such diligence in seeking Him and being with Him to do so. Also, I am caused to remember He made us this way to care and to be touched in this life, so being emotional is not a weakness but how we are created.. this circles back to what I said before... God like perspectives.  

I am so thankful His ways are higher than mine and He knows best! He knows what is YET to be. I am captivated by that word lately.. YET... or to be... stay the due course..ultimately..someday..up until now...

I look back since the beginning of the year and have felt such change in my life. I see how God spared me the pain of circumstances around me, delivered me from past hurts, generational curses/bondages and how He takes us seasons to seasons with people. Some are just co-journeyers in this walk with us briefly and some for life. Either way I am grateful for the time together.

I said all that above to say this. I trust HIM. I put my trust in HIM and know that even when I don't know... He knows and in spite of it all He has plans for my life and a future... a Yet to be.. so; therefore, I must take this journey with a road of many different experiences and lessons. I do feel God is moving me in new places and if it takes me down a different path than before then it takes me, and if it's alone then I have His Spirit to lead me and to go with me. Either way... I am going to TRUST this new season and what is to come. In all this I pray for straight paths guided by HIM...straight to His will for my life and for the lives of my family.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6