The first month of LIFE I found myself so intimate with my Bridegroom. Receiving doves' eyes for Him. Dancing with Him. What an amazing journey with Him I have had. He spoke to me in Song of Solomon. He truly became my refuge and covering. I am in the process of being refined like gold and He has been comforting me beforehand to reveal those places in me that need healing and freedom. I have loved realizing I need to bring my husband in on those intimate times with God and am cherishing those times we have with our Bridegroom. I love He shows me off like a beautiful diamond. His most prize possession which He admires the beauty and is pleased.
In the process of being refined I find myself searching the things that keep me seperated from Him. Those feelings, beliefs from life itself and characteristics that are not Him. As I am in this refining process...it hurts...at times more than I can express. As He reveals those things in me I need to let go. Like walls I placed in defense because I realize the root of rejection seeded in me at 11 or 12 by some sexual fondling by my mom's dad. Why I always keep my hurt inside to deal with because a false belief I had....because I was told to shut up and be tough when I cried as a child.
Yes I was abused verbally, physically and sexually many times. I have felt rejected, shame and worthlessness BUT today I stand like GOLD in my Sheperd's hands. I won't limit the Lord. I will stand on Your thoughts toward me and allow those thoughts to overcome the lies of the enemy and what 'I think' my family thinks of me. I declare I will not be "strong" but be strong in the Lord. I will not shut up but I WILL listen to Him. I WILL speak for Him. I am no longer a victim but VICTORIOUS! I have surrendered my wall for JESUS. I am going to trust. I will let Him shine. I have been given beauty for ashes. New hunger for the death and starvation that was in me. I am living